A London mental map.
The series. Part 1.
If you know me, you know that I like walking. You might also know, that I don’t sleep just so I can learn a city’s plan and never get lost (inner joke). Thus, I know my way around cities, and I have an extensive, big, huge list of places saved on my phone that I will share with you if:
a) you just moved to London
b) you are being extremely annoying and contacting me after years of not speaking to ask me where to park in London (yes where. to. park. in. London.)1 and casually asking for recs as well, so I’ll send you the map to make you shut up
c) I like you, and I will share voluntarily so you can avoid b)
d) you are claiming to have a really good list, and I’ll will fight with my map of almost 800 places saved. Have I been to them all? Nope. Have some of them been saved solely on appearance and might be utter rubbish? Maybe. But they don’t need to know.
To avoid you the pain of having only blue marks in your app, the Nuria’s places, that will hinder your use of Google Maps, I will hereby make a curated personal selection of my favourite London places. 2This might get too long, so I’ll split it in the amount of posts necessary.
Bakeries
If you know me, you know that I tend to eat vegan (see FAQ here) but I will, under all circumstances, indulge in pastries (the Frenchier the better). I am also, the daughter of an professional food writer, albeit, a bread snob. I have, therefore, spend too much of my monthly salary on baked goods. And I have thoughts:
These are my favourites:
Kuro Bakery
My sister has the theory that English pastries don’t taste the same elsewhere, in the bad way. Fattier, sweeter, more artificial. It is true. This is one of the only places where a pain au chocolat will taste somewhat similar to anything you would eat in the continent.
They also have a coffee place, where the staff is as rude as they get, but the coffee is worth it.
If you go on a Saturday, the Farmer’s Market is 2’ away.
Tube Station: Notting Hill Gate
Hjem
I moved to London in a lockdown hiatus. Everything was, as we would say, a mig gas. You had to quarantine, wear masks and take tests. As a Southerner, we took those rules as we saw suitable. My quarantine didn’t even last 24hours. You could leave the house to do essential things; buying food or going for a walk, in my case, of course, it was going for a coffee run.
My first coffee spot was, indeed, Hjem, a quaint sunny spot in the most yet less London looking street (it could be anywhere with money, from Genève or Zurich to LA). I might have idealised because for me it represented freedom (not that I had stayed locked in less than a day), and a bit of normality and that European allure, that only spots with terraces have. People would gravitate towards the sun soaked square in front of the café with a takeaway cup in hand (coffee could be better, but almond milk is hand made) and their glorious cardamom buns. They are Danish, and they know what they are doing. I am in desperate need to try their bread.
If you want somewhere cute, with no wifi, and to eavesdrop on extravagant conversations, gossip girl worthy conversations from yummy parents that have drop off their kids at the nursery next door, this is your place.
Closest tube stations: Gloucester Road and High Street Ken.
Patisserie Sainte Anne
If what you want is good bread, that tastes like home, Girona and Paris, travel to this unpretentious looking spot in Hammersmith (it is unpretentious looking, but they are French, so they balance it out).
About a 90% of the clients order directly in French, if they don’t switch back to English, it means you (I) are doing a good job and a bit closer to being French. The baguette is simply impeccable.
Closest tube station: Hammersmith and Ravenscourt Park
FYI: in proper French example, they close Monday and Tuesdays
Aux Merveilleux de Fred
The family for whom I used to babysit, which has been mentioned in numerous occasions, introduced me to this place. Their pain au chocolat are tasty, but please TRY THEIR CRAMIQUES. A soft bready pastry with proper chocolate chips.
Closest tube station: South Kensington and Gloucester Road
Chinatown Bakery
Need I say more? The Chinatown Bakery is an institution in my social circle at this point. I should an ambassador at this point. I don’t think any other non-Chinese home has seen more Chinese pastries than 123.
The obsession began the first time my sister visited me in London. We had been in the past, but that day hit different. We have introduced everyone to the delicacies, soft, fluffy and quite light (they don’t have butter) which results in an almost savoury bun.
I will sound really white and Eurocentric, but as a really white and Eurocentric woman, I, of course, have jumped on the trend, but it is not my traditional food, the Chinese who go, know what they’re doing, usually getting discounts, and only speaking in Chinese, because as white and Eurocentric I can be, it reminds me of home. My proudest moment, more so than any French tête-à-tête, was when the cashier complimented my pastry of choice (green tea bun with an adzuki mochi filling), saying it was her favourite as well.
Closest Tube Station: Leicester Square and Picadilly Circus
Beigel Bake Brick Lane
Again, if you know me, I might have mentioned this place many many many times. I tend to buy 6 beigels (I know it is usually spelt ‘bagel’) for an exceptionally reasonable price. I slice them in half and freeze them. If they are warm they are the best thing ever and good enough to eat on their own (or maybe it is just me). They are open 24hours, extremely famous and really busy on the weekends. I just love going during a weekday, or at random time when it is quiet, and they have the time to be extremely rude to you.
For New Yorkers it is an average tasting bagel/beigel. If that’s how an average beigel tastes, I am in need of a proper one.
Closest tube station: Shoreditch High Street, Aldgate East, Liverpool Street
Ben’s cookies
If you’ve been to London, you’ve been to Ben’s cookies. Not necessarily because it’s internationally acclaimed, but because someone will take you or rave about it. For what I know, the British have a sweeter tooth than Southern European (they compensate for the lack of flavour and spices in most of their foods), but for some reason, as sweet as they get, expats LOVE Ben’s Cookies.
During my aforementioned pseudo-quarantine, I had a cookie almost everyday. I am in awe, but I can proudly say that I have tried them all. My favourites; the matcha and white chocolate one and the vegan one (almost beats my cookie dough).
Aside from the Chinatown Bakery, Fortnum and Masons and Harrods, people will make a pit-stop at Ben’s before leaving town. Is Ben’s Cookies the M&Ms store for the most educated tourist?
Honorary mentions
This might not have made the cut because they are too East or too North or too South, and they lack that sense of familiarity and repetition which makes you grow fond of a place, I might have been once, or they have been hyped up, I might have tried them and been slightly disappointed (but at the end of the day they have been hyped up for a reason).
They all fall under the category of pretentious, hipster, £5 for a croissant and £4 for a coffee. They will be featured in ‘Weekend roundup’ carrousels, ‘eating my way around London’ galleries and will have a queue at no matter what time, having a single strawberry tart that no one wants by noon.
Customers look like undercover celebrities, effortlessly dressed, in sportswear post-pilates class or in a ‘oh this? I just found in a second hand shop in New York, it is old Céline (IYKYK)’. They’ll have the cutest dogs and the coolest kids who will sip on puppiccinos and babyccinos (respectively, of course)
In no specific order, this are the ones I have spent money one, that could have easily gone to a better cause. 3
Jolene
Pophams
E5 Bakehouse
Pavillion Bakery
Layla (bread is amazing, pastries are oily and undercooked)
Toad Bakery
We get to the end of the list. Please, add them to your map, try them and share your thoughts. If you’ve already tried them, fight me or tell me which ones I have missed.
Apa, ciao.
I’ve driven a van twice, let’s just say one of the times didn’t end well. I now have PTSD, NO, I DON’T KNOW WHERE TO PARK.
This is all a marketing strategy for you to send to any London visitors and promote my newsletter.
Coffee, for instance, which we’ll tackle another day